How to Be An International Jewelry Thief and Steal Your Way to Luxury
You're sick and tired of your boring, dead-end job. Maybe it's the endless onslaught of idiotic customers with the exact same problems. Or maybe your mental health is slowly but surely fading away by having to constantly listen to the inane jabbering of your pompous boss, thinking he's the king of the world because he has some slice of authority.
Well today you can tell that son-of-a-bitch to shove it, because you have a new career: a jewelry thief.
My name is Sir Sneak and I am a professional jewelry thief. My career has plenty of advantages you've probably never even thought of. I live in a mansion, own a helicopter, date hot babes average joes could never lay their hands on, and generally live my life in the kind of luxury only fit for a king.
Why Steal Jewelry and Precious Gemstones?
Jewelry and gemstones are lightweight, undetectable by police dogs, and very - very valuable. The demand for high-quality precious jewelry is insatiable - young spoiled wives of the world will demand glittery jewelry and over-priced diamonds till the literal end of time.
The 3 Golden Rules of A Successful Jewelry Thief
There's three simple things you're going to HAVE to learn if you want to become a good jewelry thief. Fail to follow these rules will result in your ultimate demise, so don't mess it up.
1. Loose lips sink ships. Bragging about your heists to your friends is a big mistake and will send you straight to jail: do not pass go, do not collect $200.
2. There is no honor among thieves. Movies like "Ocean's Eleven" might give you the idea that you need a team to succeed, but more often than not it's the team that will bring you down. Not only will you have to split the loot, but the more people involved the greater the chance you'll have of getting caught. There's always a weak link in the chain.
3. An ounce of planning is worth a pound of cure. As technology gets better, so does the security surrounding those precious little gems. Spend months carefully planning your heist, because if you don't you'll be spending years planning how to break out of jail. Which would you rather have?
The Tools of The Trade
- Leather Gloves. Because we all know what fingerprints do.
- A Mask. If you don't have a mask, make sure you smile for the security cameras.
- A Crowbar. Never leave home without it.
- An Industrial Drill and Bits. If you don't know how to crack a safe, then you can always resort to using force with a drill and sharp bits.
- A Flashlight. Use it sparingly, as it will attract attention to you.
- Slip-Proof Shoes. Sometimes accidents happen.
- Your Brain. Dumb thieves don't last long. When in doubt: Google it like these safe-crackers did.
Targeting the Right Places
Scout the locations of your heists carefully, some establishments only hold $1,000's of dollars worth of jewelry and gems, while other places millions. Consider the diamond cutting capitol of Antwerp, Belgium, where 85% of the worlds rough dimaonds make a pit stop. Places like Paris, France also make good targets because of their high-priced lifestyles - and the stealable jewelry that comes along with it.
Selling Off Your Loot
Some of your "earnings" will be easier to sell than others. As a general rule of thumb, jewelry is far easier to sell than diamonds. Buying stolen gems can be a serious crime and diamonds and other gemstones can also be indetified through a number of ways, including etched numbers on the diamonds themeselves. Chances are, you're going to have to settle for a fence and only get a small fraction of what the jewelry is really worth.
How Much You Can Make as An International Jewelry Thief?
The amount you can make really depends on your ambition. The best thieves of history have set the bar pretty high so far - check out 3 of the largest gem and jewelry heists in the world.
The Great Antwerp Diamond Center Heist
Location: Antwerp, Belgium
Haul: $100+ million.
On the weekend of 15/16 February 2003, as the city's attention was distracted by the Diamond Games tennis tournament - won by Venus Williams - the Antwerp Diamond Centre became the scene of the biggest gem robbery in history.
The raid is believed to have been carried out by a gang of veteran Italian robbers, known as The School of Turin. The gang managed to bypass cameras, bars and 12-inch thick reinforced doors to gain entry to the vaults and steal over $100 million worth of precious gems.
The Harry Winston Robbery
Location: Paris, France.
Haul: $28 million.
Status: At Large.
According to the police, four or five masked men entered the Harry Winston boutique at 10 a.m. on Oct. 6 - a shop just around the corner from a local police station and mere footsteps from the tourist hordes of Paris's best-known avenue, the Champs-Élysées.
One by one, the armed robbers overwhelmed the six employees arriving for work, then calmly asked them to open the safe. They vanished with a bag full of heavy necklaces and gems, including a large diamond worth about $3,000,000. None of the employees were hurt.
The Le Supre-Diamante Coutre de Maki Heist
Location: Tokyo, Japan
Haul: $31.5 million.
Recorded as the biggest jewelry heist ever in Japan, 2 members from the 4-member gang called the "Pink Panther" robbed the Le Supre-Diamant Couture de Maki store in Ginza, Tokyo in broad daylight. They made off with a handful of pieces, including a 125-carat necklace encrusted with 116 diamonds and boasting a worth of over $20 million alone.
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