You're sick and tired of your boring, dead-end job. Maybe it's the endless onslaught of idiotic customers with the exact same problems. Or maybe your mental health is slowly but surely fading away by having to constantly listen to the inane jabbering of your pompous boss, thinking he's the king of the world because he has some slice of authority.

Well today you can tell that son-of-a-bitch to shove it, because you have a new career: a jewelry thief.

My name is Sir Sneak and I am a professional jewelry thief. My career has plenty of advantages you've probably never even thought of. I live in a mansion, own a helicopter, date hot babes average joes could never lay their hands on, and generally live my life in the kind of luxury only fit for a king.

Why Steal Jewelry and Precious Gemstones?

Jewelry and gemstones are lightweight, undetectable by police dogs, and very - very valuable. The demand for high-quality precious jewelry is insatiable - young spoiled wives of the world will demand glittery jewelry and over-priced diamonds till the literal end of time.

The 3 Golden Rules of A Successful Jewelry Thief

There's three simple things you're going to HAVE to learn if you want to become a good jewelry thief. Fail to follow these rules will result in your ultimate demise, so don't mess it up.

1. Loose lips sink ships. Bragging about your heists to your friends is a big mistake and will send you straight to jail: do not pass go, do not collect $200.

2. There is no honor among thieves. Movies like "Ocean's Eleven" might give you the idea that you need a team to succeed, but more often than not it's the team that will bring you down. Not only will you have to split the loot, but the more people involved the greater the chance you'll have of getting caught. There's always a weak link in the chain.

3. An ounce of planning is worth a pound of cure. As technology gets better, so does the security surrounding those precious little gems. Spend months carefully planning your heist, because if you don't you'll be spending years planning how to break out of jail. Which would you rather have?

The Tools of The Trade

• Leather Gloves. Because we all know what fingerprints do.
• A Mask. If you don't have a mask, make sure you smile for the security cameras.
  

  

• A Crowbar. Never leave home without it.
• An Industrial Drill and Bits. If you don't know how to crack a safe, then you can always resort to using force with a drill and sharp bits.
• A Flashlight. Use it sparingly, as it will attract attention to you.
• Slip-Proof Shoes. Sometimes accidents happen.
• Your Brain. Dumb thieves don't last long. When in doubt: Google it like these safe-crackers did.

Targeting the Right Places

Scout the locations of your heists carefully, some establishments only hold $1,000's of dollars worth of jewelry and gems, while other places millions. Consider the diamond cutting capitol of Antwerp, Belgium, where 85% of the worlds rough dimaonds make a pit stop. Places like Paris, France also make good targets because of their high-priced lifestyles - and the stealable jewelry that comes along with it.

Selling Off Your Loot

Some of your "earnings" will be easier to sell than others. As a general rule of thumb, jewelry is far easier to sell than diamonds. Buying stolen gems can be a serious crime and diamonds and other gemstones can also be indetified through a number of ways, including etched numbers on the diamonds themeselves. Chances are, you're going to have to settle for a fence and only get a small fraction of what the jewelry is really worth.

How Much You Can Make as An International Jewelry Thief?

The amount you can make really depends on your ambition. The best thieves of history have set the bar pretty high so far - check out 3 of the largest gem and jewelry heists in the world.

The Great Antwerp Diamond Center Heist

Location: Antwerp, Belgium
Haul: $100+ million.
Status: Caught.

On the weekend of 15/16 February 2003, as the city's attention was distracted by the Diamond Games tennis tournament - won by Venus Williams - the Antwerp Diamond Centre became the scene of the biggest gem robbery in history.

The raid is believed to have been carried out by a gang of veteran Italian robbers, known as The School of Turin. The gang managed to bypass cameras, bars and 12-inch thick reinforced doors to gain entry to the vaults and steal over $100 million worth of precious gems.

The Harry Winston Robbery

Location: Paris, France.
Haul: $28 million.
Status: At Large.

According to the police, four or five masked men entered the Harry Winston boutique at 10 a.m. on Oct. 6 - a shop just around the corner from a local police station and mere footsteps from the tourist hordes of Paris's best-known avenue, the Champs-Élysées.

One by one, the armed robbers overwhelmed the six employees arriving for work, then calmly asked them to open the safe. They vanished with a bag full of heavy necklaces and gems, including a large diamond worth about $3,000,000. None of the employees were hurt.

The Le Supre-Diamante Coutre de Maki Heist

Location: Tokyo, Japan
Haul: $31.5 million.
Thieves: Caught.

Recorded as the biggest jewelry heist ever in Japan, 2 members from the 4-member gang called the "Pink Panther" robbed the Le Supre-Diamant Couture de Maki store in Ginza, Tokyo in broad daylight. They made off with a handful of pieces, including a 125-carat necklace encrusted with 116 diamonds and boasting a worth of over $20 million alone.

I don't hate bling. In fact, I like jewelry when it's tasteful - a necklace, bracelet, that's perfectly fine. But people these days seem to have more money than they know what to do with, and this breeds something called "Stupid Bling".

1. Hot Girls.

While tasteful necklaces, rings, and bracelets will improve appearance, there's nothing that ruins a hot babes immaculate look swifter than a bad piece of bling.

Case in point: Kendra Wilkinson from the Girls Next Door.

This jewel incrusted set of chompers made by Johnny Dang not only made her look really ugly, it made Holly my new favorite.

2. Gadgets.

Laptops, iPods, Cellphones. These little gadgets many people can't live without.

If you thought these gadgets were already obvious targets of petty thieves, there's nothing that screams "Steal me, please!" more than a gold plated laptop or a 63-diamond MP3 player. What's wrong with people?

3. Miscellaneous Objects.

As the world food crises rages on, people are still decorating random objects like cakes with $130,000 worth of platinum and gems, as well as the same treatment on things like cups.

Cups? WTF!?

4. Pets.

"Crafted with artisan precision and attention to detail, Amour Amour is the world's most exquisite dog collar that only the one pampered pooch will have the privilege to wear." This $1.8 million dollar dog collar shouldn't even exist. I promse Rover can't tell the difference between a real diamond and a fake diamond, so if you're a logical sane individual the obvious choice is a fake diamond if you really MUST decorate your pet.

Colette Case, an animal behavioural psychologist working in London, said: "Dogs are increasingly becoming an expression of the status of their owners, who compete with each other to have the nicest collar and most expensive gear. If someone has £12,000 to spend on a pendant for their dog, I suspect it will be pretty well looked after."

Sometimes I wonder how these people ever get this kind of money to blow in the first place.

Back in late 1979 an unknown artist and jewelry designer named Designer began showing and marketing bracelets that he had designed that were unique in the way that they intertwined both silver and gold into a cable like design. His one of a kind designs that were inspired by ancient Celtic jewelry took hold of the publics imagination and immediatly became best sellers in jewelry stores across the U.S., Canada and Europe.

Get the best deals on Designer Replica Bracelets here.

Since that time, Designer has expanded his line to include every type of jewelry imaginable but at the same time he has continued to expand on the variety and styles of bracelets that he designs and produces. While there is no “set look” that defines the Designer bracelet, generally speaking, people tend to consider his original cable bracelets as being his hallmark style and design.

One thing that all designers aspire to, is to become an inspiration to others in their same craft and Designer has done just that and that means that other jewelry makers the world over are designing and producing cable style bracelets that mirror the Designer look.

This is good news to discriminating jewelry wearers everywhere, because Designer bracelets do tend to carry large price tags. While Designer does feature cable bracelets that are created in silver that are of course less expensive then his gold bracelets, if you are interested in a gold Designer bracelet you are going to have to pay a hefty price for it.

Fortunately many of the other jewelry designers that are marketing Designer style bracelets are also producing them in heavy gold plate and this means that there is substantial savings available for jewelry wearers that prefer the look of gold. So, there truly are endless options now for anyone who wishes to own and wear a Designer style bracelet.

Ever since Designer exploded on the world of designer jewelry back in 1976 he has expanding his product line with ever growing choices in a wide range of diverse creations including of course rings. One very popular style of rings that he features is his Designer lapis lazuli rings, which come in a wide range of styles to choose from.

The name “lapis lazuli” comes from its ancient origins and in fact is a combination of derivatives. “Lapis” means “stone” in Latin while the “lazuli” part of the name is derived form the area of ancient Persia where the stone was originally mined.

Just as with any other precious or semi precious stones and gems, there are varying grades of quality in them and knowing how to differentiate between them all is of course very important. The highest grade of gem quality lapis lazuli will have streaks or flecks of gold colored iron pyrite visible in it.

Lapis lazuli can also have streaks or flecks of white in it but the more white there is in a stone the less desirable the stone is. The best quality of lapis lazuli is found in Afghanistan but it is also mined in other areas around the globe as well, including Colorado and California.

There is much ancient lore that surrounds the stone and how it was used by the first people that mined it. For instance, the ancient Romans wore the stone as jewelry but also used it as an aphrodisiac. The stone was also used in a powdered form to treat skin infections by various people during medieval times.

While lapis lazuli is a a beautiful blue stone with gold toned highlight flecks, it is rather soft in comparison to most other gemstones, so some degree of care should be taken when wearing it. Also, excessive sunlight can have a negative effect on the quality of the stone over a period of time.

Mary-Kate Olsen was recently in attendance at a Designer Mens Accessories Event in LA. Mary-Kate takes a more unique spin on wearing Yurman jewelry by layering his mens necklaces - she's been doing this for quite some time now.

You can see her in this picture even wearing one of Designer's beloved dog tags.